Everyday thoughts

My daughter

Back then it wasn't an easy decision to make not that it would be. I did have full custody went to the courts etc, was supposed to be getting very very minimal child support like $180/month. He had free access to her as well. I can even say that no matter how much I hated that dickhead I never tried to dis him in front of her of play those silly games. You have all heard the stories where mum won't let dad/grandparents see the kid for extra time, Holidays and birthday are timed or not at all.

I was opposite.anytime they asked I was more then Happy she spent time with them. In fact the Xmas all she did with me was open her prezzies from Santa then went with her Dad till 9 at night. His family always had such huge Christmas' I could not deny her that.

So while I am bending over backwards to be as nice as I can for her sake, my ex was screwing me up the ass. He must have been saying things to her and in general just not trying to meet me half way.

There was a few times I tired to get his help while parenting her, I forget what It was now but she had did something she was grounded and I asked him to carry out there grounding there and take her to see shrek2 at the time. He told me not his problem, what she does with me has nothing to do with him. Then she was about to fail gr.3 we had to talk to the teacher. Think he wanted to go?? No bloody way in hell. I even asked if we could just meet for a coffee somewhere to at least talk about it....no fucking way.

Then there was the times he played with her......but just to bug the shit outta me. Every Friday I put up with her excited to see Dad great fine, but was never there on time. Had her calling him asking when and he would just tell her soon. He just kept that poor lil girl waiting and waiting making it late so I couldn't go out or make me late for work type of thing.

Now on top of all this there was no support either. And when I did ask for any type of money HA HA wasn't that a fucking joke.

So I was getting upset by all this, and she started saying how she wanted to live with him. Again that tore my heart out but I didn't want to be a Jerry Springer type mom and stop it from happening. I was so stressed out I called the child protect ppl on myself just to seek guidance. I weighed every pro and con up I could.

So I came to the conclusion that it would be in her est interest to be with him. He has a huge family that's very close, like 4 cousin's her age. Plus 2 younger. With all her Aunts and Uncles it was good. My Family.....well my sis is in Europe and my parents well we don't really talk. So not much there.

I then made the dreaded of call of telling him he can have her etc. He then had the balls to ask me to wait a month. The reason why.......so his new fuck would be there to watch her while he went to work. If he took her then he would have to worry about a sitter. Well.......WTF was I having to deal with a day at the park??

So I snapped. He took her that weekend and told him she stays now with you. If you want her to live with you then it starts now, not when it's convenient for you.

So after that I think I cried for about a week, heard from her for a bit then it started happening. Her calls slowly stopped and she was always out or busy when I called till it just stopped. I had no idea where they were living only head rumors about where she was.

I tried to get on with my life as best as I could.....funny it was like my ex had won the game. She was the trophy at the end of the divorce. And I had finally broke free of him controlling me.....but at what cost.

So 5 years later can't say I have moved on but did the best I could. Then it happened. I had made a facebook acct. for the purpose that when she was ready she could look for me.

Well that day happened about 4 months ago now. We starting talking on Facebook then MSN. Her dad sent me emails that started ok but then true colours came through so I left it. We had a few webcam talks. She showed my things that she still had from me and I showed her all the pics I had of her. She found out about her bothers. It was goin great as it could we were rebuilding. She was even coming to me about boy issues.

Then 2 days ago I got this nasty email..........
" now you will never talk to ______ ever again‏.

Telling her to lie to me was bad, not like you care though you dead beat (where I live) eh you are way too stupid to be on the Internet, get off it before you get yourself into some serious trouble"

Since then I have not seen her on Face book or MSN. I have tried to contact her through friends. They have told me she is OK. And her Dad is being an ASS.

So right now I am waiting on the consulate to call me back to see where I stand. I do not want to uproot her from her home in Canada. I just want to continue to rebuild our relationship.