Everyday thoughts

Ugh!! Allergies.

Past few days have been so bad, then yesturday a dust storm blows through here not what I needed.

My diet is an epic fail too with kids. I mean it's just so hard with them around, tryin to excerise with a 9 month ols is hard. And walking well the oldest can't really walk far.
I know excuses but still.

Well today I plan on getting stuck back into some tafe wrk.

Thats if I can keep my eyes open bubs was up at 4:30. I can see a nap today too.

Well need to start the wash.

Well past few days have been just normal.


Nothing new or exciting. Had a great Lunch with my hubby yesturday.

Today well started my diet again. Shake for brekky and lunch yummmo!!!! I managed to get 10m on the bike as well. Not bad I haven't done any excerise in ages. So hopin as the days go by I'll go up and up.

Also did a not bad clean today. My fridge looks new again.......yippy!!!

I've epi'd my legs......I wonder why I haven't started this b4. So much better then a shave and last weeks!!!

Well kids want food.......so it's a shorty today.

My daughter

Back then it wasn't an easy decision to make not that it would be. I did have full custody went to the courts etc, was supposed to be getting very very minimal child support like $180/month. He had free access to her as well. I can even say that no matter how much I hated that dickhead I never tried to dis him in front of her of play those silly games. You have all heard the stories where mum won't let dad/grandparents see the kid for extra time, Holidays and birthday are timed or not at all.

I was opposite.anytime they asked I was more then Happy she spent time with them. In fact the Xmas all she did with me was open her prezzies from Santa then went with her Dad till 9 at night. His family always had such huge Christmas' I could not deny her that.

So while I am bending over backwards to be as nice as I can for her sake, my ex was screwing me up the ass. He must have been saying things to her and in general just not trying to meet me half way.

There was a few times I tired to get his help while parenting her, I forget what It was now but she had did something she was grounded and I asked him to carry out there grounding there and take her to see shrek2 at the time. He told me not his problem, what she does with me has nothing to do with him. Then she was about to fail gr.3 we had to talk to the teacher. Think he wanted to go?? No bloody way in hell. I even asked if we could just meet for a coffee somewhere to at least talk about it....no fucking way.

Then there was the times he played with her......but just to bug the shit outta me. Every Friday I put up with her excited to see Dad great fine, but was never there on time. Had her calling him asking when and he would just tell her soon. He just kept that poor lil girl waiting and waiting making it late so I couldn't go out or make me late for work type of thing.

Now on top of all this there was no support either. And when I did ask for any type of money HA HA wasn't that a fucking joke.

So I was getting upset by all this, and she started saying how she wanted to live with him. Again that tore my heart out but I didn't want to be a Jerry Springer type mom and stop it from happening. I was so stressed out I called the child protect ppl on myself just to seek guidance. I weighed every pro and con up I could.

So I came to the conclusion that it would be in her est interest to be with him. He has a huge family that's very close, like 4 cousin's her age. Plus 2 younger. With all her Aunts and Uncles it was good. My Family.....well my sis is in Europe and my parents well we don't really talk. So not much there.

I then made the dreaded of call of telling him he can have her etc. He then had the balls to ask me to wait a month. The reason why.......so his new fuck would be there to watch her while he went to work. If he took her then he would have to worry about a sitter. Well.......WTF was I having to deal with a day at the park??

So I snapped. He took her that weekend and told him she stays now with you. If you want her to live with you then it starts now, not when it's convenient for you.

So after that I think I cried for about a week, heard from her for a bit then it started happening. Her calls slowly stopped and she was always out or busy when I called till it just stopped. I had no idea where they were living only head rumors about where she was.

I tried to get on with my life as best as I could.....funny it was like my ex had won the game. She was the trophy at the end of the divorce. And I had finally broke free of him controlling me.....but at what cost.

So 5 years later can't say I have moved on but did the best I could. Then it happened. I had made a facebook acct. for the purpose that when she was ready she could look for me.

Well that day happened about 4 months ago now. We starting talking on Facebook then MSN. Her dad sent me emails that started ok but then true colours came through so I left it. We had a few webcam talks. She showed my things that she still had from me and I showed her all the pics I had of her. She found out about her bothers. It was goin great as it could we were rebuilding. She was even coming to me about boy issues.

Then 2 days ago I got this nasty email..........
" now you will never talk to ______ ever again‏.

Telling her to lie to me was bad, not like you care though you dead beat (where I live) eh you are way too stupid to be on the Internet, get off it before you get yourself into some serious trouble"

Since then I have not seen her on Face book or MSN. I have tried to contact her through friends. They have told me she is OK. And her Dad is being an ASS.

So right now I am waiting on the consulate to call me back to see where I stand. I do not want to uproot her from her home in Canada. I just want to continue to rebuild our relationship.

My life..............


I grew up in Canada. I left home at a very early age like 16. So needless to say I am no angel. I did alot of experimenting with drugs, well little more like became hooked. But was mostly the J that I liked best. I can say that I never stripped or was a hooker to get anything so was lucky that way.

After a few years of partying and living place to place I met this guy.....let's call him F. So F and I hooked up had lots fun and then I fell preggers. Was all good he stayed with me got our own place had a beautiful baby girl. Things were going ok but as time went by he became a controlling asshole!!! At one stage I wanted to do this high school thing for mum's and bubs to help get their diploma's. Seeing as I was a drop out. Well he started on this thing of didn't want anybody else watching his kids even tho they were in the next room and if there was issues mum's would be called in. I was arguing the point and it took his own mother to help me out.

That's just the tip of the ice. There was name calling and constant fights if I was late coming home even just from a neighbors place. We did actually get married. But I did it for my girl mostly know what I mean??

Then we got a PC and the internet........all was good F was playing on line games and I was surfing the web and found a web browser type game/chat room. And well needless to say I started talking to a guy. And no no we didn't cyber or any of that shit. we just started talking alot. I mean in the end I stayed up all night talking to him Lying to F sayin I slept on the couch. The Internet guy we'll call H .

H and myself had alot in common. He was living in Australia. Now I am not saying that H broke us up but he did help it along. He gave me the courage to stand up for myself. I always said to myself and friends that when our daughter was old enough I was gonna leave F. It just happened a little sooner as I realized I did deserve better.

Thing were coming to a head with F and myself then one day he trtied to break my arm. That was it I snapped. I guess it was drilled into me that don't let a guy hit you thing b/c I made a promise to myself I would never fall into that cycle. So I took my daughter and we left. We went to a shelter.

Things took awhile to get better. H was there the whole time tho. I may not have had internet but bu this stage we were making phone calls. While I was at the shelter F did everything to try and get me back. He tried suicide to the point they admitted him to the hospital. Where he broke free and they had the cops go after him, then sedated him heavily. His Dr. even got me in there for a chat. But after I told him my side and I was standing firm on not goin back he knew it was over.

So after I ended up getting my own place and a job. I was doing good!! H was still there for me and was making plans to get over to Canada to meet me. So later that year H came!!! He stayed with me for 3 months we spent xmas and NYE together. It was great we clicked so well.

Then he had to go home........ I don't watch those soppy love movies but that's how it felt. As I watched him leave the hugs and kisses and tears. I have never been so sad. That night a few friends tried to cheer me up but I just cried in my beer. After a few days of being sad I picked up again.

H made it home safe and we were talking again. He was upset to by having to leave. He told me while at the airport he was about to turn around and come back. But he wanted his parents to know what was goin on and tie up loose ends in Aus. But he told me he would be back by the end of the year.

Now don't forget all this time F was still being an asshole. We were separated and I was trying to get a divorce but he wouldn't do it. That 1 last bit of control over me. F was also starting to use our girl as well to control me. Wouldn't pick her up on time, went against my wishes the list goes on and on.

Well again H kept his word he made it back!!! and was there to stay. I tell ya a secert you want great sex.......stay away from the one u love for a year and no bootie calls on the side. H and I had the greatest sex all night long...no lying and that's w/o any booze or little blue pill.

So we all start living our day to day lives F still being a dickhead. Then one day H and I went out to dinner and he purposed to me. The old fashion way on bended knee. Of course I said yes. Now I really want the divorce but F still won't budge. It took him to want to remarry this chick for him to do it. As I said still controlling the only reason we divorced was to benefit him.

Now here's where things get crazy. My girl was acting up about to fail a grade. I tried to talk to F about this, you know lets go have a coffee and try to figure this out. He wanted bar none of it. Now for the record the whole time we split I was never 1 of those bitchy mum's I had always let him or his family take her whenever they wanted. But it started to get real bad. I'm not sure what was being said to her, but it got to the point she wanted to live with him.

So I decided to let her. But yet again F didn't want her till summer when his new wife would be available to watch her. This was still 2 months away. His excuse was who was gonna watch her while he worked. I was like what do u think I been dealing with these past 2 years. So I stood my ground again. And told them it was now or never. Then he took her. And that was the last time I seen her. I did try to call but numbers were changed, they moved. My number stayed the same but no calls. It was hard. I lost my little girl. Again tho F got what he wanted...she was like the trophy and he had won. But at the same time I was finally free of him and his controlling ways, but at the worst cost.

H had been there the whole time helping me through this ordeal. And then it happened for us. we fell preggers. 9 months later we had our baby boy. H hated Canada....being an aussie the winters were doing his head in. And seeing as everything that happened to me I had nothing ti loose so we got our passports together and I move here with out son.

We moved in with the parents at 1st. They were great. H got used to being home and played tourist with me. Then he got a job and moved out to where we are now. we started with nothing and now have a houseful. H works for a bank we are doing really well. I even had a job here for a bit. It started part time but I was good enough that I was promoted within 6 months to store manager with my own store.

Then we fell pg again tho this one was a planed. And now we have to great boys. I have to say my life has been rocky. Not as bad as some but bad enough. H and I are still in love after 7 years now. And I can honestly say I do love him. H makes me laugh and smile every day. And after all these years the sex is still good!!!

That is my life in a nutshell.

Well this is the 1st entry.

I will start off by saying I am 34 and a stay at home. I have 2 great boys and my awsome hubby. I also have a 13 year old daughter who is in canada but that is a whole other can of worms. There may be a time I will share that story.

I moved fom Canada to Australia 4 years ago now. Since the move my life has gotten better 10x over.

I'm not sure why I started this blog. I really doubt anyone will read it either. But I wanted to have a place where I can write down what I want to say. Be warned I'm sure alot of my posts will be about parenting and the stuff that goes on around it, but I'm sure there will be other stuff as well.

I have tried other blogs in the past but hopin to keep this one up. I have a new laptop so maybe this will help maintain the blog.

As of right now tho this will be a short entry as I have ppl coming to measure the balconey soon.

Cheers